Happy Birthday, Dad!

You know, Dad, next year your birthday will be 1.11.11....we can celebrate (in Mexico, remember!) at 1:11 p.m!

So, in honor of Dad's birthday, Rob Tully brought in Smashburgers and Smashfries for the entire staff of the C/TICU. On behalf of all our family (yep, ladies, you are now considered family!), thanks Rob! Dad ate 1/2 a burger. He is building up his appetite but it is still pretty small. From what I understand, he is getting nutritional supplements through the tube at night. I know I am not a doctor, nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but this doesn't make sense to me. If I ate all night long, I wouldn't be hungry during the day either. (Okay, if you are laughing at this now and saying to yourself, "Yeah right, Suzanne. Who are you kidding? You would totally still be hungry!" you can officially put yourself on my blackballed list of friends!) But who am I to question the experts!

The staff also honored Dad with a huge bunch of balloons and a yummy cake from DQ. I heard it was a huge cake and apparently there is enough left over that Dad can continue to enjoy it for the next 6 days!

I know that Rob's visit really lifted Dad's spirits today but I am pretty sure he is getting sick of his surroundings. No one can even begin to imagine what he is going through emotionally. I can only assume that he is going through the stages of grieving, although he has to do it quietly.

As for Mom, she continues to amaze everyone with her strength but I know she is struggling (who wouldn't be.) I stayed with her at the hospital last night and when I got down to Dad's room this morning, she was a little zoned out. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Everyone else (in the ICU) gets to go home. Why do we still have to be here?" I think that is the million dollar question we all have right now...why did this have to happen to such a good guy? We have all been in situations where we say to others who are going through a crisis things like "G-d does things for a reason....We make plans and G-d laughs...You are strong and will make it through this together...When one door opens...We don't know why bad things happen to good people...etc. etc...etc..." As much as we know that all of this is true, the basic WHY question still remains for all of us. Intellectually, I know this is all part of the grieving process, but it still sucks. Yep, I said it out loud...THIS SUCKS! THIS SUCKS! THIS SUCKS!

What have we learned so far? "Good" doesn't ever really mean good...it is completely subjective and relative to what else is going on. So is "normal." But I have also learned that we will get through this. Things won't ever be "the same" and we won't ever be "all right." But, again, those are relative terms. Things will be different. Perhaps we need to take a step back and see that we don't want things to be "the same." Maybe we just need permission to ask those questions, listen for those answers, and give ourselves time to create a new normal.

Wow...this post got a little heavy, especially considering it is Dad's birthday. Thanks for listening to me...it was very therapeutic to write and if Mom ever figures out how to get on the blog, it may be therapeutic for her to read!

Where does this leave us for today? It leaves us blowing out the birthday candles, putting the last one to go out completely under our pillow, and making a wish that all the Rosenfeld's will grow to love the new normal.

Love to you all!
Suz